3yrs ago a new road to travel down,a road that would take me east,the path was unseen and 2weeks from the day to leave there was a feeling of I dont wanna.dont wanna go ,dont wanna go and further more I DO NOT WANNA GO!....well as I was headed to the airport awaiting my planes to take me to this new and distant land of the unknown,these words rang in my hear words from my dad.He had said "Go on take a chance,you might like it."
it was December 10th,2008 11am in the morning and a stunning 27 degrees outside...I thought to myself its a bit nippy here...the coldest day of the year here in Texas at the DFW airport...though it was cold out it was nowhere as near the coldness I had deep within my heart.Numb is the perfect word for my feelings...within 14yrs i had hardened my heart so much that i simply did not care about you,my family,most of my friends and especially myself.I hated myself and what God had created,what i had become and what future there was if any.
to rewind a bit i grew up in a christian home and loved Jesus up to about the age of 14 or 15 or mabye it was 13...at 6yrs old i did something that most 6yrs old wouldn't do and that was gave all i had(.35) to a homeless man outside in the parking lot of our neighborhood grocery store(that another story though).at 8 I was sold out on Jesus and gave my life and even got water baptized(haha i still remember my mom and dad saying son this is not like going swimming) i know i said but I meant business i wanted to live with Jesus forever. had many crazy revival expirences and youth camps were the best.I remember a time when our youth group had got a few new guys added to it.they were much old then I,one of them will call him V was sharing his testimony with me and said of all the places he has been and environment he was in,then saying that this life,this road walking was Jesus was far better then any good day he had ever had.He was on fire for Jesus.I remember in my heart i thought i've been in church my whole life I'll never know what he is talking about or have a really great testimony like that.instantly the enemy began to speak his lies and constantly reminding me of it.as well as the reminders of how no one really likes me and how everyone rejects me because of the way i look.(that is another story to...one of severe rejection from 1st grade all the way untill i was 27)
when i had turned 16 we moved from sunny California to exotic Hawaii.it was both good and bad.good because it pulled me out of one bad road i was walking down,but bad because it brought me to a fork in the road where I had chosen poorly and walk down an even more dangerous path.one that was filled with more torment from people,lots of drugs and alcohol to try and easy the pain.trouble like u could not believe,over 20 near death expireances,the complete loss of my uses and feeling in my left arm,death of my a lot of my friends,prison time for other friends.lots of moving,hardship,pain and addictions.i was broken,i felt broken...lost and alone...so alone..with a constant flow of alcohol it didnt always feel so bad.but one thing for sure i truly hated myself.....
back to 2008 through the whole time i was lost even though i didn't follow God and had run away.i still believed in Him and even stood up for Jesus once or twice.but I had hit rock bottom a few months leading up to this moment my best friend Nuku and i had a business building Stone walls.(that's a bit funny cause as we were building up stone walls for a living,I had building up walls in my heart for years and years,not letting no one in or even close...ha i lost complete use of my left arm..due to drinking...I remember months before that Nuku said "do u know alcohol kills ur nerves"? No i said,and i don't care what do i need nerves for..fast forward to the accident.Nuku says "do u remember when i said_____. Well I told you so! thank God He restored my arm.but i continued to drink.So America's economy had bomb shelled leaving us out of a job.people we deal with want there dream home built up but from thing happening on the mainland that we didn't see.they had no money.Hawaii got hit hard by this.we searched desperatly for work.or friends with company jobs came looking for us to work. anyhow.So I left to begin what was only supposed to be a 4 to 6month trip at the max.
Rock bottom is the perfect place to be in when God finds you! I'm not saying dont seek God out until you've reached the end with no where to go and no cares in the world...please if you do not know of God and His son Jesus,the grace and mercy He give.stop reading and ask God to reveal Himself to you. Having God in your life is the best choice u can ever make!
what i am saying is for me it took me to hit rock bottom for things to go a different direction.as I look back on it now God pulled me out just at the right time.Traveling down the highway fast and about to hit a brick wall...come to think of it as i look back God has saved me from more jams,deaths and bad descions then i like to think of.
So my sister whom was on the top of my hate list is the same person that helped me onto a new road.even though we never got along and the same hate i had for her she had for me up until a few years earlier when God found her and changed her heart.accepted me for who i was.her and her husband opened there doors and their hearts for me to come and live with them. for 2 years prior to this moment she had been trying to get me to go to a secular inner healing program.but I always refused.here in rock bottom i had no choice i had to go.the program is called Pathways located in Dallas.3 things were clear while i was staying here.1 no drinking,2 go to church with them and 3 i had to complete the program before i was allowed to go home...I just wanted to go home! They brought me here a month before it started but from the first step in Texas me and all the demons i harbored inside of me did not want to be here.we wanted to go home to hawaii and drink some more....(2 cases a day every day sometimes more but nothing less)
from the first session I felt a little bit of a change...or maybe I was trying to fake it again(another story for further down the road.the time i tried to fake it and be like everyone else in a church)
the 2 session was undescribable all i know is that God came down a took my addiction to drinking away in the blink of an eye...3 yrs sober!
He began to change my heart slowly threw this program.with each new time i went to church and every new session things began to fall off.like peeling layers of an onion...slowly pieces of the wall began to fall off sometime just one by one leading to pulling the right one down to cause an avalanche of more tumbling down..but just like the layers of an onion.My heart had many layers of wall up around it.not to mention even though i was getting free I would go back and try to repair the broken pieces of the wall and put new stones back up...but more sections were coming down faster then I could repair them.I was in a losing battle no matter how many demons i had with me none are a match to the power of God.if He wants in He will get in...Like I said God is in the business of changing hearts
there is so much more to write jus to write it.I don't care if anyone reads this but its been on my heart to share for a while now so here it is.Please this is not a pity party.its jus a story of a man who God has been changing his heart...its a testimony of the grace and love,redemption,life,hope and encouragement.in here a piece of my heart is left. open to attacks but its worth it if it shows just one person God's love.and hopefully it would be used for God to change more hearts towards Him.
many more stories to continue on to this.......