Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Guatemala trip

insert journal here....well I would of if my notes didnt get deleted.oh well we are going back in jus a few hours will all be headed to the airport...Why am i still awake..
dont ask. but i hope to bring details and stories of our trip back to Guatemala.
and for all those who are praying for us thank you.

the return trip

a couple of months ago we went to was my first mission trip ever.never been outta the safty and protection of the this country and into another land.The lord had put together the perfect team to go and do what needed to be down.I was very fortunate to be included on this trip.we did what we do over here but over there it was an awesome time to be able to work construction for some missionary's and to help build there medical building.

I remember on our free day half of us went to go zip line while the other half took a boat ride across a lake to go check out the market,but detoured to a lodge and walked was very nice and peaceful one point we stopped to sit for a bit and get something to we chilled there i stepped out on the patio and gazed at the blue water and sight of the the silence the Holy Spirit says " you'll be back".sure i though someday right.He say's no you'll be back soon.Yea right i said kinda went to shrug it off,because of the worldly mind says u wont get off of work close to the end of the year.and other doubts.but then He chimes in'll be back.Ok i said whenever ill be ready.

ah to be i feel so not ready.well maybe a little bit...but then a memory of a devotional i read last month that says If there is one thing that is consistent throughout scripture, it is this: God calls people when they are not ready. God will never call you into service when you think you are ready.
well with that being said what are we waiting for.not ready.packed and repacked then repacked again hoping no tools are forgetting at my house..cant sleep not tired,leave for the airport in 5 hours.wake up in 4.excited but nervous.only nervous because i dont like to mess ups on jobs specially when there probably no make ups.or redo's.But I do love to work,work hard and help people who need help.

So one thing different about this trip then the last is the prayer and my dad told me before he prayed.I had heard the story about my grandfather and him praying for my dad before.but my dad wasn't talking to me at the time..this time he was and he shared a bit more then what i heard. So he thought to speak the same prayer and blessing over my life aswell as dedicating me to the was a heart felt moment.I know that all blessing and good thing come from the LORD. and with Jesus inside of us we can show the love of Christ everywhere we go and anywhere He sends us...there is much ease in my mind know that He is sending me and not that its a me i wanna go with or without the ok from God. cause there was a time when all i wanted to do was go.but He knew it wasnt the right time... i will go whee ever He send me Ive already made up my where ever is next is cool with me.Uganda,China,up north way down south and from east to west.
I will go send me send me!
1st lets get threw this adventure. hopefully i'll get a chance to write about our trip while on the trip.if not i'll take plenty of notes and be sure to drop post when i get back!

If you pray please pray for the team,the work we hope to complete while there and for what God will do in us and through us.pray that Jesus invades the lives of many,the people get saved,healed and set free. alos pray that our luggage doesn't get might be tough to do work with no you if u pray.
be back soon


I write from a tried old broken heart,
perseverance -
1.steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
Theology . continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation.
this word enters my mind about 2 hours into work at break i stand in the warehouse  waiting for the other 2 guys i work with to come back from doing whatever.its good to catch a break.even if its jus for a few minutes....I look at my email for a sec and come upon my devotional for the says Perseverance for Success....ah really?
"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope" (Rom. 5:2-4). 
so i begin to read but then breaks over well that was fast and what i must persevere through continues.yes it may seem like harmless joking around to them but for me on the receiving end its not that fun.
constantly being told your an ugly person,how much u suck,and how much u don't fit in,been given crude nicknames,and made fun of for everything u do or don't say,the way you look from your hair down to your feet,the way u work.why u would go on a mission trip or even the thought of helping someone in need....all day every day for the past week, gets old fast.
So either you can play along and beat them down with the same fierce words that would slice a heart down or you can choose not to play this game again just stand there and take it...I choose to take it every doing this it causes them to pick on and harasses me more while finding stuff to throw at me.... And they wonder why i dont talk much at work...when they dont slander me there always talking about how big there body parts are and where and who they stick them in,how many girls they had in their beds,the most sick and perverted thing possible...this gets old to.
though I know we not just the Believers but everyone goes threw times or something they have to persevere through or join the team and do what the world does.
I'd like to say this is my first time ever going threw something like this...but its not..this is something i've been facing my entire life on this broken planet.

My first day on this planet i was born with a cleft lip and palate.when i was 2yrs old i had developed a sist in my lower lip and had been in and out of hospitals until i was 7 or 8.they'd take it out but it would grow back,finally they got it all out.
my parents hid my baby pictures not because of the way i looked but because they didnt wont anyone to think they had been abusing me or something.Now i know we all get picked on in school.thats just the way it is.but from 1st grade to 6th,then through middle school 7th and 8th.on into high school 9th and most of tenth every day all day long.
1st grade to 6th was really hard.i knew one thing when i was off to school and that was to be the butt end of every cruel joke from the majority of the kids in my be made fun of the way i looked,how i talked,what i wore to i played sports or played on the play be avoided when possible unless u wanna look t\like me and my personal favorite how big my lower lip was..a friend of mine and i were playing in a really high tree after school one day.and some older kids had come threw and they were making fun of me then one of them threw a rock...yes a rock so the others joined in and at the age of 10 or 11 i was stoned......
we both got stoned and it hurt as the rocks kept flying up at us we had are heads tucked down against a big tree branch  we were sitting on to protect are faces.but somehow a rock managed to find its way and hit me between  they eyes but a little higher then where golith  got hit and the blood began to flow,as more rocks came up hitting us everywhere some how one of the kids down on the ground saw that i was bleeding and shouted for the rest to stop.they all ran away and my friend and i was left there...
Summer time was the best school  so for three months i didnt get picked on as much..yea i still got picked on by some and also the kids at the babysiters i went to.that sucked.when school got back in though it was same routine pick on big lip Samuel man.
I grew up in church but every once in a while there was one kid who made fun of me there to.but as the years went by the torment got worse.threw 7th and 8th new school.same kids pluse a ton of new new jokes new laugh at me same heart break. I remember it came to a point where i even thought God was making fun of me.I mean i started to think the He made a mistake when it came to me.that He the God of the universe had messed up when it came to me.i was just a rejected screw up that He couldn't fix..more worse i was being told these things to.that my life was a mistake and that nobody could ever love someone like me.I bought into the lie and things got 9th grade i was getting the same old kids from our last school now on to a bigger school with 3x as many kids more and more from school,where i worked,the kids at church not jus a few but alot of them.I began to hate more and more.I began to Hate God for what he created I hated myself and jus wanted to die.
half way through tenth grade we moved from sunny California to high place,new people a fresh new start!1st day of school i cant tell you how many times i got called or refered to as the elephant man!
torment all over again.all threw high pain old pain no God in my life alcohol and drugs were the perfect escape.when i was drunk i didn't care what was said.the torment lasted up to 12th then everyone new that no matter what they said i didnt care.i'd jus go smoke a joint and laugh at them. after highschool until the time i left Hawaii few people tried to mess with me.during High school one of the "cool" popular guys befriended me and so that made things simmer down.every time i got knocked down by one 10 would knock him down.people learn real quick.but being protected still was no cure for the brokeness i matter how many friends i had(and i had lots)the pain was to far in.the cracks had cuase more cracks kinda like when glass shatters when it all spider veined out.walls upon walls got put up and the more walls the colder and harder my heart got.
But thanks be to God that He found me,and He rescued me.little old ugly and broken me.He's been good  me.I Know now He really does love me.maybe 2 months before this started happening.I hear Jesus He says He loves me and He will always be with me He'll never forsake or abandon me.and when i ask He says things are going to get hard but remember I love you Samuel...
Hard.yes it is hard.hard to listen to the things being said.hard to think why do i even bother praying for these guys on my way to work.Hard to not give back what they give me...its hard but then perseverance enters my mind...and I think if the Savior of the world can be rejected and hated,beaten and whipped,spilled His blood for us,for me,for you and for my tormenters. because no matter what they did to Him,He still loved us...then yes I'll take the hard and continue to walk with Him as I know He is here with me.and I'll choose to love..
this is a hard test.the first two times i failed this test.I'm destined to pass this time.and the biggest help is not just praying and talking to God.what helps the most is spending the time before work to read His book.His words and hiding them in this broken old tired heart.....
- Perseverance is the key to every great accomplishment because nothing of lasting value has ever been achieved without it.
 - When we persevere through adversity, we win the approval of our Lord Jesus Christ, who told the suffering church at Ephesus, "I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. . . . You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary" (Rev. 2:2-3). 
- People give up or give out when they feel depleted - when they physically, emotionally and spiritually run out of gas.
When going through adversity, watch out for pessimists, blamers and toxic personalities. Beware of people who try to talk you out of your dreams and goals. Spend time with optimists and encouragers. Seek out people of faith.
Persevere to the end. 

i don't know what He has planned or what could possibly be the end outcome.but as i walk I am very thankful for the friends I have through church i attend that He has placed in my life.

Thank You Jesus!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

His Provision

So in the month of November He has been teaching me that His provision is alway on time and He is faithful with taking care of His kids needs!
late October God began to teach me of giving,and giving more often.November rolls around and giving is a sinch,giving more,more often is do comes in to play giving over the top....ok so this 1 time it was like what? I dont think i heard You much? i know Your God but are You sure? Ok yea Im not gonna say I was all on board when it fact I struggled,but in the end i didnt wanna disobey so i did it..then towards the end of november God showed me His provision.
Both times totally unexpected.first time I was giving X amount of dollars towards a non profit my sister made for me to get some teeth..very long story but you can expect I will be writing on this in fact I've already started.
but this second time was more amazing then the first one.

Today after work I scrambled threw traffic watch the dude in front of me get a ticket,swurved threw the mess on the highways all to hopefully make it to the Gateway Global office before 5pm to pay what i could for this mission trip God has called me to go right before i get to the office I stopped at the atm...oh snap where is my bank card?  go to park and start to look for it all over my truck.I thought to myself I know i brought it,Then the emeny say No u left it at home,you lossed it and all these other things.I was like Homie Shut it and Shut up!
started checking every place twice then to my surprise i found had fallen out of the place i put it and was hidden between the floor and the seat.oh thank God so its back to the atm,I knew how much was in there and figured well.its not enough but perhaps i'll just empty it and try to live off of $50 for the next week..I can do I thought.i'll only need emptied my acct..shortly after i make it to the office and just in time. when i saw Mari i handed what i had to her and said im still short...not really knowing who i get the rest from.started to think well maybe i can borrow it(i dont like to borrow money from anyone) Mari walked me back to her computer and was like how much is this.oh no no no she said shaking her head.I thought to myself oh maybe they took me off the trip.then she turns around and says this is to much.
No its not i said.yea it is she only have $175 to go...Um what? how could this be I replied.then Mari says well somebody but they said not to tell you who it was has donated into your balance for this trip so you only have 175. to go.
stunned and in awe.Thank You God!,then it really hit me Mari says see God really does what u on this trip.He called You and u responded to His call....WOW and in awe never Have i experienced God's provision like this..I mean I had been wondering if i was even supposed to be on this trip,then she said heart became overwhelmed and He says your welcome....

The first amount of His provision was big way bigger then this one.and it felt good and yes im very thankful for it.but this smaller amount is a thousand times more greater then the big one point I had came across a non-profit called RU4children.and all i wanted to do was help them to the point of If i had control of the money for my teeth I would have gave it all to those orphans....I still feel that way...even with the new amount of money set aside for teeth,this smaller amount is like,whoa,I guess cause this is what God broke my heart go around the world and Using the skills He has given me to help build medical buildings,homes,orphanages,schools,playgrounds and what ever else + dig wells all for His children all over the countries and people who really need them....Now i get to go back again...God is so good to me more then I fact I dont deserve any of this.But I am extremely thankful!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

God's in the business of changing hearts

3yrs ago a new road to travel down,a road that would take me east,the path was unseen and 2weeks from the day to leave there was a feeling of I dont wanna.dont wanna go ,dont wanna go and further more I DO NOT WANNA GO!....well as I was headed to the airport awaiting my planes to take me to this new and distant land of the unknown,these words rang in my hear words from my dad.He had said "Go on take a chance,you might like it."
it was December 10th,2008 11am in the morning and a stunning 27 degrees outside...I thought to myself its a bit nippy here...the coldest day of the year here in Texas at the DFW airport...though it was cold out it was nowhere as near the coldness I had deep within my heart.Numb is the perfect word for my feelings...within 14yrs i had hardened my heart so much that i simply did not care about you,my family,most of my friends and especially myself.I hated myself and what God had created,what i had become and what future there was if any.

 to rewind a bit i grew up in a christian home and loved Jesus up to about the age of 14 or 15 or mabye it was 6yrs old i did something that most 6yrs old wouldn't do and that was gave all i had(.35) to a homeless man outside in the parking lot of our neighborhood grocery store(that another story though).at 8 I was sold out on Jesus and gave my life and even got water baptized(haha i still remember my mom and dad saying son this is not like going swimming) i know i said but I meant business i wanted to live with Jesus forever. had many crazy revival expirences and youth camps were the best.I remember a time when our youth group  had got a few new guys added to it.they were much old then I,one of them will call him V was sharing his testimony with me and said of all the places he has been and environment he was in,then saying that this life,this road walking was Jesus was far better then any good day he had ever had.He was on fire for Jesus.I remember in my heart i thought i've been in church my whole life I'll never know what he is talking about or have a really great testimony like that.instantly the enemy began to speak his lies and constantly reminding me of well as the reminders of how no one really likes me and how everyone rejects me because of the way i look.(that is another story of severe rejection from 1st grade all the way untill i was 27)
when i had turned 16 we moved from sunny California to exotic was both good and bad.good because it pulled me out of one bad road i was walking down,but bad because it brought me to a fork in the road where I had chosen poorly and walk down an even more dangerous that was filled with more torment from people,lots of drugs and alcohol to try and easy the pain.trouble like u could not believe,over 20 near death expireances,the complete loss of my uses and feeling in my left arm,death of my a lot of my friends,prison time for other friends.lots of moving,hardship,pain and addictions.i was broken,i felt broken...lost and alone..with a constant flow of alcohol it didnt always feel so bad.but one thing for sure i truly hated myself.....

back to 2008 through the whole time i was lost even though i didn't follow God and had run away.i still believed in Him and even stood up for Jesus once or twice.but I had hit rock bottom a few months leading up to this moment my best friend Nuku and i had a business building Stone walls.(that's a bit funny cause as we were building up stone walls for a living,I had building up walls in my heart for years and years,not letting no one in or even close...ha i lost complete use of my left arm..due to drinking...I remember months before that Nuku said "do u know alcohol kills ur nerves"? No i said,and i don't care what do i need nerves forward to the accident.Nuku says "do u remember when i said_____. Well I told you so! thank God He restored my arm.but i continued to drink.So America's economy had bomb shelled leaving us out of a job.people we deal with want there dream home built up but from thing happening on the mainland that we didn't see.they had no money.Hawaii got hit hard by this.we searched desperatly for work.or friends with company jobs came looking for us to work. anyhow.So I left to begin what was only supposed to be a 4 to 6month trip at the max.
Rock bottom is the perfect place to be in when God finds you! I'm not saying dont seek God out until you've reached the end with no where to go and no cares in the world...please if you do not know of God and His son Jesus,the grace and mercy He give.stop reading and ask God to reveal Himself to you. Having God in your life is the best choice u can ever make!
what i am saying is for me it took me to hit rock bottom for things to go a different I look back on it now God pulled me out just at the right time.Traveling down the highway fast and about to hit a brick wall...come to think of it as i look back God has saved me from more jams,deaths and bad descions then i like to think of.

So my sister whom was on the top of my hate list is the same person that helped me onto a new road.even though we never got along and the same hate i had for her she had for me up until a few years earlier when God found her and changed her heart.accepted me for who i was.her and her husband  opened there doors and their hearts for me to come and live with them. for 2 years prior to this moment she had been trying to get me to go to a secular inner healing program.but I always in rock bottom i had no choice i had to go.the program is called Pathways located in Dallas.3 things were clear while i was staying here.1 no drinking,2 go to church with them and 3 i had to complete the program before i was allowed to go home...I just wanted to go home! They brought me here a month before it started but from the first step in Texas me and all the demons i harbored inside of me did not want to be here.we wanted to go home to hawaii and drink some more....(2 cases a day every day sometimes more but nothing less)

from the first session I felt a little bit of a change...or maybe I was trying to fake it again(another story for further down the road.the time i tried to fake it and be like everyone else in a church)
the 2 session was undescribable  all i know is that God came down a took my addiction to drinking away in the blink of an eye...3 yrs sober!
He began to change my heart slowly threw this program.with each new time i went to church and every new session things began to fall peeling layers of an onion...slowly pieces of the wall began to fall off sometime just one by one leading to pulling the right one down to cause an avalanche of more tumbling down..but just like the layers of an onion.My heart had many layers of wall up around it.not to mention even though i was getting free I would go back and try to repair the broken pieces of the wall and put new stones back up...but more sections were coming down faster then I could repair them.I was in a losing battle no matter how many demons i had with me none are a match to the power of God.if He wants in He will get in...Like I said God is in the business of changing hearts

there is so much more to write jus to write it.I don't care if anyone reads this but its been on my heart to share for a while now so here it is.Please this is not a pity party.its jus a story of a man who God has been changing his heart...its a testimony of the grace and love,redemption,life,hope and here a piece of my heart is left. open to attacks but its worth it if it shows just one person God's love.and hopefully it would be used for God to change more hearts towards Him.

many more stories to continue on to this.......