Wednesday, December 7, 2011


I write from a tried old broken heart,
perseverance -
1.steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
Theology . continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation.
this word enters my mind about 2 hours into work at break i stand in the warehouse  waiting for the other 2 guys i work with to come back from doing whatever.its good to catch a break.even if its jus for a few minutes....I look at my email for a sec and come upon my devotional for the says Perseverance for Success....ah really?
"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope" (Rom. 5:2-4). 
so i begin to read but then breaks over well that was fast and what i must persevere through continues.yes it may seem like harmless joking around to them but for me on the receiving end its not that fun.
constantly being told your an ugly person,how much u suck,and how much u don't fit in,been given crude nicknames,and made fun of for everything u do or don't say,the way you look from your hair down to your feet,the way u work.why u would go on a mission trip or even the thought of helping someone in need....all day every day for the past week, gets old fast.
So either you can play along and beat them down with the same fierce words that would slice a heart down or you can choose not to play this game again just stand there and take it...I choose to take it every doing this it causes them to pick on and harasses me more while finding stuff to throw at me.... And they wonder why i dont talk much at work...when they dont slander me there always talking about how big there body parts are and where and who they stick them in,how many girls they had in their beds,the most sick and perverted thing possible...this gets old to.
though I know we not just the Believers but everyone goes threw times or something they have to persevere through or join the team and do what the world does.
I'd like to say this is my first time ever going threw something like this...but its not..this is something i've been facing my entire life on this broken planet.

My first day on this planet i was born with a cleft lip and palate.when i was 2yrs old i had developed a sist in my lower lip and had been in and out of hospitals until i was 7 or 8.they'd take it out but it would grow back,finally they got it all out.
my parents hid my baby pictures not because of the way i looked but because they didnt wont anyone to think they had been abusing me or something.Now i know we all get picked on in school.thats just the way it is.but from 1st grade to 6th,then through middle school 7th and 8th.on into high school 9th and most of tenth every day all day long.
1st grade to 6th was really hard.i knew one thing when i was off to school and that was to be the butt end of every cruel joke from the majority of the kids in my be made fun of the way i looked,how i talked,what i wore to i played sports or played on the play be avoided when possible unless u wanna look t\like me and my personal favorite how big my lower lip was..a friend of mine and i were playing in a really high tree after school one day.and some older kids had come threw and they were making fun of me then one of them threw a rock...yes a rock so the others joined in and at the age of 10 or 11 i was stoned......
we both got stoned and it hurt as the rocks kept flying up at us we had are heads tucked down against a big tree branch  we were sitting on to protect are faces.but somehow a rock managed to find its way and hit me between  they eyes but a little higher then where golith  got hit and the blood began to flow,as more rocks came up hitting us everywhere some how one of the kids down on the ground saw that i was bleeding and shouted for the rest to stop.they all ran away and my friend and i was left there...
Summer time was the best school  so for three months i didnt get picked on as much..yea i still got picked on by some and also the kids at the babysiters i went to.that sucked.when school got back in though it was same routine pick on big lip Samuel man.
I grew up in church but every once in a while there was one kid who made fun of me there to.but as the years went by the torment got worse.threw 7th and 8th new school.same kids pluse a ton of new new jokes new laugh at me same heart break. I remember it came to a point where i even thought God was making fun of me.I mean i started to think the He made a mistake when it came to me.that He the God of the universe had messed up when it came to me.i was just a rejected screw up that He couldn't fix..more worse i was being told these things to.that my life was a mistake and that nobody could ever love someone like me.I bought into the lie and things got 9th grade i was getting the same old kids from our last school now on to a bigger school with 3x as many kids more and more from school,where i worked,the kids at church not jus a few but alot of them.I began to hate more and more.I began to Hate God for what he created I hated myself and jus wanted to die.
half way through tenth grade we moved from sunny California to high place,new people a fresh new start!1st day of school i cant tell you how many times i got called or refered to as the elephant man!
torment all over again.all threw high pain old pain no God in my life alcohol and drugs were the perfect escape.when i was drunk i didn't care what was said.the torment lasted up to 12th then everyone new that no matter what they said i didnt care.i'd jus go smoke a joint and laugh at them. after highschool until the time i left Hawaii few people tried to mess with me.during High school one of the "cool" popular guys befriended me and so that made things simmer down.every time i got knocked down by one 10 would knock him down.people learn real quick.but being protected still was no cure for the brokeness i matter how many friends i had(and i had lots)the pain was to far in.the cracks had cuase more cracks kinda like when glass shatters when it all spider veined out.walls upon walls got put up and the more walls the colder and harder my heart got.
But thanks be to God that He found me,and He rescued me.little old ugly and broken me.He's been good  me.I Know now He really does love me.maybe 2 months before this started happening.I hear Jesus He says He loves me and He will always be with me He'll never forsake or abandon me.and when i ask He says things are going to get hard but remember I love you Samuel...
Hard.yes it is hard.hard to listen to the things being said.hard to think why do i even bother praying for these guys on my way to work.Hard to not give back what they give me...its hard but then perseverance enters my mind...and I think if the Savior of the world can be rejected and hated,beaten and whipped,spilled His blood for us,for me,for you and for my tormenters. because no matter what they did to Him,He still loved us...then yes I'll take the hard and continue to walk with Him as I know He is here with me.and I'll choose to love..
this is a hard test.the first two times i failed this test.I'm destined to pass this time.and the biggest help is not just praying and talking to God.what helps the most is spending the time before work to read His book.His words and hiding them in this broken old tired heart.....
- Perseverance is the key to every great accomplishment because nothing of lasting value has ever been achieved without it.
 - When we persevere through adversity, we win the approval of our Lord Jesus Christ, who told the suffering church at Ephesus, "I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. . . . You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary" (Rev. 2:2-3). 
- People give up or give out when they feel depleted - when they physically, emotionally and spiritually run out of gas.
When going through adversity, watch out for pessimists, blamers and toxic personalities. Beware of people who try to talk you out of your dreams and goals. Spend time with optimists and encouragers. Seek out people of faith.
Persevere to the end. 

i don't know what He has planned or what could possibly be the end outcome.but as i walk I am very thankful for the friends I have through church i attend that He has placed in my life.

Thank You Jesus!

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